We suffer.
Even as I am writing this, my head is pounding from a severe headache caused by scoliosis, but God is so good, and I feel this desperate need to write something for my sisters in Christ who have suffered and still continue to suffer.
It is so hard for healthy, "normal" people to understand our lives, the choices we have to make, the struggles we face, and the physical, mental, spiritual pain we endure. But we do struggle. We do make difficult decisions to keep us from falling off the edge. We must live almost separate lives, at times, just to maintain a molecule of our sanity and health.
And sometimes... Sometimes we fail.
Because we are human.
I remember almost four years ago when I first started missing church services due to health problems... The guilt. The guilt from myself and others that I was a terrible person. A failure.
We face guilt.
We face guilt for not having a great social life, for not living life to the standards of others, for not making the health decisions that others would make. But we must remember who our audience is. God Almighty. Not our friends. Not our family. Not our church family. Not our community. Only God alone knows who we are, knows the depths of our complicated souls and our scarred, broken hearts. Only Jesus knows the pain we feel. He feels ever vibration of our pain. He knows every heart-breaking thought. He sees every tear and understands each angry, silent scream we send toward Heaven.
As damaged as we are, we have good days, sometimes even good weeks, and this makes life even more confusing. We feel taunted by the good times. As though our merciful God were teasing us with a taste of normalcy and health only to snatch it away, leaving us where we started - in bed, in pain, confused, angry. Alone. Surrounded by people, but alone.
This journey is not for the faint of heart.
Jesus said, "Be still, and know that I am God."
This is one of the most difficult steps in our walk with Jesus.
We can be still.
We can know He is God.
But both of those at the same time? When our head is screaming horrible thoughts?
When our body is shrieking in pain? When our tears run dry and our hearts grow cold?
When our friends move on with their lives while we remain chained to our present pain?
But Jesus Christ, Son of God, the one who allowed Himself to be whipped to a bloody mess, loves us. He knows us. Jesus is not standing idly by as we struggle.
He is there.
Holding us in the middle of our confusion. In the midst of each angry thought.
When are giving up the fight.
When we cry.
When we whisper, "I can't do this."
When we succumb to the Devil.
When we sink to the lowest pits of despair.
Jesus is there.
Sometimes He is silent.
But He is fully, thoroughly there.
Right in the middle of our horrendous, unimaginable pain.
Jesus is there.
This truth is what keeps us alive.
Jesus is who keeps us from sinking into destruction because He loves us enough to allow us the privilege of suffering
Read that again.
Jesus loves us enough to allow us the privilege of suffering.
The privilege.
Of suffering.
"...So now also Christ shall be magnified in my body, whether it be by life, or by death.
For to me to live is Christ,
and to die is gain."
(Philippians 1:20, 21)
Christ is glorified by the life of a believer who endures suffering and is changed and molded to His image through suffering. When the world sees a believer who is broken, vulnerable, and transformed through suffering...
The world sees Jesus.
This is why it is a privilege to suffer.
This is why the Apostle Paul said that to die is gain.
If the world can see Jesus in us,
in the middle of our confusion and pain, then the Devil is defeated and Jesus is
magnified. And if He is magnified, we are privileged to suffer with Him and for Him.
It is a privilege to endure pain that Christ might be lifted high. It is a privilege to rely fully on Jesus to carry us so that the world may see that He is the only source of strength and life. And it is a privilege, when an unbeliever questions us, to say that we suffer with God Almighty by our side.
But this suffering is unspeakably difficult.
Take heart, dear sisters!
Christ does not intend for this suffering to last forever. Maybe it will list our entire lifetime. Maybe only a few more years. But the God of Heaven and Earth has a resting place prepared for us where no pain, confusion, depression, or anger can live. The God of Heaven is going to take us to Heaven because He loves us so greatly!
And yet, here we wait. Suffering. Crying. Pleading. Waiting.
But while we wait, we must, oh we must, keep our eyes steadily fixed on Christ - the One who carries us when we cannot move, lifts us up when we cannot stand,
and intercedes for us when we cannot pray.
Oh sisters, let us keep our eyes stayed upon The Rock, The Comforter, The Prince of Peace, Jehovah Raphael,
The Healer.
For He loves us.
And it is a privilege to suffer with Him.
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