Jesus, Be Lifted High

My heart is overwhelmed with sadness. I hate depression. It's awful. Depression is like an evil disease that surrounds you, follows you, smothers you and has an unimaginable ability to tear you away from God.
I hate it.

Jesus promised He would never leave me or forsake me. Never. So, why do I feel so forsaken? Why has my joy vanished? Why is my peace gone? My heart just hurts, and I feel empty. God's still, small voice has grown silent. Deathly silent. And yet, I must lift Him high. Jesus is my Savior, the Lover of my soul, and there are times in life when He withdraws Himself so that I will seek Him. He wants me to reach the end of myself. I'm almost there. I'm almost broken, almost totally emptied of anything worth hanging on to. But I still hang on. I hang on to my own dreams, plans, fears, anger, bitterness, hatred, wrath, pride. I hang on with a vengeance. Why? There are some questions that can only be answered by looking in a mirror, a perfect, faultless, truthful mirror. God's Word.

Yet, I hesitate. Nothing in me desires to see itself revealed. I don't want to see who I truly am because I know my soul is a sickening, evil, and sorrowful sight to the Holy, Almighty God. I'm washed in the pure blood of the Lamb, I'm saved forever, but my fellowship with Jesus Christ is broken. He feels so distant. Like He's a thousand miles away.

Jesus, be lifted high. You must increase, I must decrease. I believe You. I believe You are doing what's best for me. But Lord ... help my unbelief!

Life with Jesus

My life has been a crazy roller coaster over the past few months. Holidays, health issues, and a roller coaster spiritual life, I'm ready for it to slow down. But first, I'm getting back in touch with my Jesus. He is so absolutely amazing and yet I tend to ignore Him. I tend to focus on my life and problems and situations, and I completely forget that Jesus is just standing there, waiting for me to remember Him. Waiting for me to run back to Him for all the answers and comfort and healing that I need. Why is it so easy to put the King of the Universe at the bottom of my priority list? Because I'm human. Humans are naturally proud, self-willed stubborn beings. I'm so thankful for Christ's
salvation, grace and mercy! He is altogether lovely.

I have been reading through the Gospel of Luke lately, and it is overwhelmingly full of the power and majesty of Jesus Christ my Lord. I sometimes have to just pause my reading and try to begin to comprehend the wonders of His love.
I pray that I will continue to seek Him above and beyond anything else. He is the Beginning and the End, the Healer, the Prince of Peace. He is my All!