Psalms 57:1
"Be merciful unto me, O God, be merciful unto me. For my soul taketh refuge in thee. Yea, in the shadow of Thy wings will I take refuge, Until these calamities be overpast."
This has been the most difficult summer of my life. God took my plans and dreams and replaced them with something completely unexpected. His plan. It has been so hard! He rocked my world, turned it upside down ... And said, "Trust me." That was it. No explanation, no reason for the pain, just the simple command to trust Him completely.
I once thought I knew all about faith in God. I once thought I knew everything about God. I was wrong.
I once thought that I could handle any trial Jesus might send my way. I thought I'd be strong. I thought I'd smile and praise Him every step of the way no matter what. I was wrong.
It only took one summer-long trial for God to show me that I knew nothing of faith, I knew little of Him.
In the days back in July before I visited a doctor, when I was in so much pain it hurt to breathe, I would go into deep depression. I would shut out God and people. My soul became an ugly sight of hurt and anger. Mainly hurt.
When I finally started seeking medical help, it only took two weeks of doctors, nurses, tests and hospitals for God to let me know that my plans were no longer going to happen. I was devastated. Horrified.
This reaction from the girl who, just a few months earlier, was thrilled to hand her life's storybook over to God and say, "Here. Write my story, I'll love every bit of it! Don't let me change a thing!"
And that's exactly what He's done. And now I am thankful. I've spent more time praying and crying my heart out to God this summer than almost any other time in my life. Jesus has lifted my up into His high tower, He has been my Rock and my Fortress and my Guide. He has taught me that He is totally and completely trustworthy. Even when everything around me is screaming out that He is not.
Jesus has shown me His love. His beautiful, gentle, heart-breaking love. It was a side of Jesus I had never really seen before. He seemed to cry when I did, to hurt when I was hurting, to hold me close when I reached my lowest moments, to lift me high when I could hardly stand. He was there every step of the way. He is here, beside me, always leading me forward. He will be there tomorrow and forever
It's been the most difficult summer of my life. But it's been the best!
