Lord, Walk Me Through the Flames!

Almost a year has passed since the last time I blogged.
I swore that would never happen, but it has.
So much has take place in my life during the past year,
and I almost don't recognize myself anymore ... until I do something stupid,
and think, "Oh, there I am!"
Thank God, He loves me.

Last fall and winter were filled with a lot of pain and suffering,
an abundance of anger, and not a little bit of prayer.
My health declined quickly due to scar tissue and food allergies,
but I'm alive and praising my Creator for all of His many blessings!
What a great and marvelous King I serve! What a privilege to be alive,
to know Him, to be loved by Him, and to have the opportunity and ability
to be of some service to Him.
Wow.

God has blessed me with many things that I have sought, prayed, hoped, and dreamed about
over the past 10 years. I have yet to see India, but I did start college over the summer
and I am continuing my studies this fall!
I love every single moment of it! My heart is burdened for the children
and teens of America who have been let down by our government's educational system.
Talk about an epic failure.
I teach piano to many children who are in public schools and it is so obvious
that they have not been well-educated in the least. It breaks my heart.
Not only am I burdened for these children, but also for the countless orphans
in India who have no family and little hope of a decent education.
The problem is too big for me, but I want to make a difference in the world,
even if the difference is small. I want to teach in America and in India.
Both. Why? Because I love both countries. I love the children I've met in America.
I love the children from India whose pictures I've seen and names I know.
I hate the thought of them not being able to learn the necessities of life,
being enslaved to the slums and the filthy, treacherous streets.

My heart is on fire with dreams, goals, burdens, and a huge desire to do
something big with my life. But I need God's grace. I desperately, oh so desperately
need His grace! I lack the discipline and the drive to make this happen.
I can only become the woman He wants me to become by His grace,
through His mercy, and, possibly, through flames.
I pray that God will lead me, guide me, and stand with me
through flame and fire as he did with Shadrach, Meshack, and Abednego
who came through the flames with no smell of smoke.
I can guarantee you they were changed though!
You don't walk through flames with God Almighty and come out unchanged and unmoved.

So, I pray this prayer again, "Here am I Lord, send me!"