My heart is overwhelmed with sadness. I hate depression. It's awful. Depression is like an evil disease that surrounds you, follows you, smothers you and has an unimaginable ability to tear you away from God.
I hate it.
Jesus promised He would never leave me or forsake me. Never. So, why do I feel so forsaken? Why has my joy vanished? Why is my peace gone? My heart just hurts, and I feel empty. God's still, small voice has grown silent. Deathly silent. And yet, I must lift Him high. Jesus is my Savior, the Lover of my soul, and there are times in life when He withdraws Himself so that I will seek Him. He wants me to reach the end of myself. I'm almost there. I'm almost broken, almost totally emptied of anything worth hanging on to. But I still hang on. I hang on to my own dreams, plans, fears, anger, bitterness, hatred, wrath, pride. I hang on with a vengeance. Why? There are some questions that can only be answered by looking in a mirror, a perfect, faultless, truthful mirror. God's Word.
Yet, I hesitate. Nothing in me desires to see itself revealed. I don't want to see who I truly am because I know my soul is a sickening, evil, and sorrowful sight to the Holy, Almighty God. I'm washed in the pure blood of the Lamb, I'm saved forever, but my fellowship with Jesus Christ is broken. He feels so distant. Like He's a thousand miles away.
Jesus, be lifted high. You must increase, I must decrease. I believe You. I believe You are doing what's best for me. But Lord ... help my unbelief!
No comments:
Post a Comment