Fill My Cup, Lord

"The Lord Jesus does not fill dirty cups. Anything that springs from self, however small it may be,is sin. Self-energy or self-complacency in service is sin. Self-pity in trials or difficulties, self-seeking in business or Christian work, self-indulgence in one's spare time, sensitiveness, touchiness, resentment and self-defence when we are hurt or injured by others, self-consciousness, reserve, worry<, fear, all spring from self and all are sin and make our cups unclean.* But all of them were put into that other cup, which the Lord Jesus shrank from momentarily in Gethsemane, but which He drank to the dregs at Calvary - the cup of our sin."
~ Roy Hession (The Calvary Road)

Lately, I have been reading Roy Hessions's powerful little book The Calvary Road, and I can only sit in awe as my tears stream. Hession's words are so very true. So difficult, hard, humbling and unbelievable, but true!
I've struggled so long with fears, self-consciousness and sensitiveness, and often wondered why. Why am I fearful? Why am I self-conscious? Why am I so sensitive and easily offended by what people say or think about me? Why? I began to think that these little failures were just personality traits, unchangeable by anyone or anything. Tho=ese faults and degrading attitudes toward myself and others were there to eat me alive for as long as I lived. But, thank God I was wrong. Dead wrong.

Sin is an evil bond full of deceit, bits of vanishing pleasure, and always ending in destruction. Always. My fearfulness is sin. It has taken me awhile to fully accept and admit to this sad but freeing fact. For me to fear anything or anyone besides God is, and always will be, sin. But Jesus has already paid for it with His blood. I only need to confess my sin, place it beneath the cross of Jesus and walk away, cleansed by His powerful blood! Hallelujah, what a Savior!

I used to think that being self-conscious was a most definite character trait. A person either is or is not self-conscious. I was wrong. Self-consciousness stems from a twisted version of pride. I am proud, I care very much about how my peers view me. Because of my pride, I am self-conscious. Because of my sinful self-consciousness, I focus on me and how I present myself to the world. I become my own god. Self-consciousness is not only prideful, it is also idolatrous. How could I possibly worship myself and my own reputation above the Almighty God? Sin is an evil bond full of deceit.

I am offended often, very often. I am offended easily. The smallest words, the simplest comments, the quickest glances can all offend and hurt me. I have only recently begun to realize just how much of a sin that is! I am not truly walking with Jesus if something so simple as a person's comment can offend me, cause me to stumble and make me angry and defensive. If I view myself properly, if I let God be God and myself a simple human, if I am honest, if I am teachable, if I am humble ...
nothing will offend me.
"Great peace have they which love Thy law: and nothing shall offend them."
~ Psalm 119:165

The Calvary Road is a huge blessing and turning point in my life! I am not finished reading it yet, but I look forward to walking closer to Jesus, resting completely in Him, opening my heart and letting Him cleanse me and fill me to overflowing!

Jesus, Rescue Me

All of this talk about politics, politicians, policies and beliefs has had me thinking a lot. What do I believe? What do I know about freedom, government, rules, regulations and everything else that's being brought to the debate floor? A little bit, but not enough. I've decided that I need to read our Constitution about five times before I place my vote. I think every American should read the Constitution at least once before voting. Imagine the difference that could make!
Then again, imagine the difference it would make in my life if I sought God whole-heartedly and read His Word and prayed with all my might, soul and strength! I've experienced the love, the joy, the peace, the gratefulness, the kindness and the godly attitude that comes from immersing myself in my Master's Word. Oh, to be filled with a passionate desire for my Lord! Jesus, rescue me from me!

Jesus, Be Lifted High

My heart is overwhelmed with sadness. I hate depression. It's awful. Depression is like an evil disease that surrounds you, follows you, smothers you and has an unimaginable ability to tear you away from God.
I hate it.

Jesus promised He would never leave me or forsake me. Never. So, why do I feel so forsaken? Why has my joy vanished? Why is my peace gone? My heart just hurts, and I feel empty. God's still, small voice has grown silent. Deathly silent. And yet, I must lift Him high. Jesus is my Savior, the Lover of my soul, and there are times in life when He withdraws Himself so that I will seek Him. He wants me to reach the end of myself. I'm almost there. I'm almost broken, almost totally emptied of anything worth hanging on to. But I still hang on. I hang on to my own dreams, plans, fears, anger, bitterness, hatred, wrath, pride. I hang on with a vengeance. Why? There are some questions that can only be answered by looking in a mirror, a perfect, faultless, truthful mirror. God's Word.

Yet, I hesitate. Nothing in me desires to see itself revealed. I don't want to see who I truly am because I know my soul is a sickening, evil, and sorrowful sight to the Holy, Almighty God. I'm washed in the pure blood of the Lamb, I'm saved forever, but my fellowship with Jesus Christ is broken. He feels so distant. Like He's a thousand miles away.

Jesus, be lifted high. You must increase, I must decrease. I believe You. I believe You are doing what's best for me. But Lord ... help my unbelief!

Life with Jesus

My life has been a crazy roller coaster over the past few months. Holidays, health issues, and a roller coaster spiritual life, I'm ready for it to slow down. But first, I'm getting back in touch with my Jesus. He is so absolutely amazing and yet I tend to ignore Him. I tend to focus on my life and problems and situations, and I completely forget that Jesus is just standing there, waiting for me to remember Him. Waiting for me to run back to Him for all the answers and comfort and healing that I need. Why is it so easy to put the King of the Universe at the bottom of my priority list? Because I'm human. Humans are naturally proud, self-willed stubborn beings. I'm so thankful for Christ's
salvation, grace and mercy! He is altogether lovely.

I have been reading through the Gospel of Luke lately, and it is overwhelmingly full of the power and majesty of Jesus Christ my Lord. I sometimes have to just pause my reading and try to begin to comprehend the wonders of His love.
I pray that I will continue to seek Him above and beyond anything else. He is the Beginning and the End, the Healer, the Prince of Peace. He is my All!

Thank You, Lord!

Thank You, Lord, for life. Thank You for redeeming me from death and Hell! You shed Your own blood, You gave Yourself up completely, You were reviled, You died. Willingly. For me.

I can never repay the debt I owe You. Your love surrounds me, cleanses me, overwhelms me. You are my life, my strength, my rock, my friend. Lord, you are the lover of my soul!

Thank You, Jesus, for Your grace in my life. Thank You for putting me through fires, for holding on to me when I tried everything to run from You. Thank You for giving me strength, for lifting me up to see Calvary when I was crying out in the deep valley. I can not even begin to repay You for Your love.

Thank You, Lord, for Your peace that surpasses my understanding, that washes over me, calms my fearful heart. Your peace is what keeps me sane, thank You, Jesus!

Thank You, Heavenly Father, for my family. My Dad, my Mom, my sisters and my brothers. I could not live without every single one of them! You've blessed me beyond words, and I love You.
Thank You, my Lord.

"I cried unto the Lord with my voice, and He heard me out of His holy hill, Selah!"
~ Psalm 3:4

"He brought me up also out of an horrible pit, out of the miry clay, and set my feet upon a rock, and established my goings!"
~ Psalm 40:2

"Many, O Lord my God, are Thy wonderful works which Thou hast done, and Thy thoughts which are toward us.
They cannot be reckoned up in order unto Thee.
If I would declare and speak of them,
they are more than can be numbered!"
~ Psalm 40:5

"I will both lay me down in peace, and sleep. For Thou, Lord, only makes me dwell in safety!" ~ Psalm 4:8

Jesus Is All I Need!

My Jesus thoroughly amazes me every single day, and today is no exception. Sometimes I become so caught up in His blessings that I forget Him, my Savior. Getting back into daily, hourly fellowship with the Lord is more thrilling than anything He's ever given me. The Lord is more necessary and more fulfilling than the very breath I breathe to live. But I forget that so easily. The gifts of life become more important than the Giver Himself, and that, indeed, is a very sad fact.

God has been speaking to me through the book of Philippians recently, and this particular passage has held my attention:
"That your rejoicing may be more abundant in Jesus Christ for me by my coming to you again.
Only let your conversation be as it becometh the gospel of Christ, that whether I come and see you, or else be absent, I may hear of your affairs, that ye stand fast in one spirit, with one mind striving together for the faith of the gospel."

Wow. It made me stop and think, "What if Paul were to come visit me? Would he find me rejoicing abundantly in Jesus Christ? Would he find me standing fast in one spirit with my church striving for the faith of the gospel?"

So, that's where my thoughts are. My Jesus is so gracious, may my love for Him increase!

Lord, Use Me

“For My thoughts are not your thoughts, Nor are your ways My ways,” declares the LORD. - Isaiah 55:8

I have fallen in love with this verse over the past few days and weeks. It has become so real in my life, and I am thankful that the Lord's ways are not my ways.
He has gradually changed my desires over the summer and given me opportunities that I never would have imagined! How great is our God? He is greater than me, higher than me, and He knows exactly what is best for me!

My thoughts have been selfish, stubborn and rebellious, but the Lord has shown me what destruction such thoughts will bring. My ways have also been selfish and stubborn, but, again, the Lord has shown me that His ways are higher, greater, and more glorifying to Him than any of my ways will ever be! The Lord had to put me flat on my back for weeks, He needed to bring me to the bottom, He had to destroy my plans and break my heart for me to finally give in to His will. He had to put me through fire before I would even begin to realize just how small I am, how great He is and how much He loves me! My desires and plans no longer matter.

I used to think I was consecrated to Him, my loving Savior, but I wasn't really. Now I know that only He can give me direction ... because His ways are not my ways. His thoughts are not my thoughts. I want my ways to become His ways. I want my thoughts to conform to His thoughts. I'm done with trying to twist His thoughts and plans into my own. I'm ready to become who He wants me to become; I'm ready to live, walk, talk, work and do whatever He desires, wherever He plans.

I love my Jesus with all of my heart, He's been so very good to me!

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart; and lean not unto your own understanding.
In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths!" - Proverbs 3:6